In the past the thoughts of being assertive conjured up in my mind an image of narky person who aggressively demanded his rights or else! Instead today I often wonder what was holding me back and graciously accept that rather than overpowering the meek or giving in to the aggressive, indeed being assertive means that we accept that we all have the right to express our personal feelings, preferences, thoughts, but not only assertive communication means to be able to talk about yourself without being self-conscious, accept compliments comfortably, give opinions, accept other people’s right to opinions without going to passive collapse or hostile blowup.
(image taken from http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/2009/08/biking-as-assertiveness-training.html)
So basically assertiveness can be seen as simply a style of communication not a personality trait, it’s not something you either have or you have not. There are other styles of communicating — passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive — and probably we all use each of these three styles at least sometime, maybe with emphasis on one. Well, to see the roots in the styles we choose and how they affect our lives we will need to take into account our own personal histories, family traditions, culture and beliefs.
(image taken from http://www.totaldiplomacy.com/Home/tabid/67/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/691/Assertive-Risk-Play.aspx)
So what’s so important about being assertive and our style of communication? Well we spend most of our lives communicating through interaction with other people. When we are not assertive that interaction can be a major cause of stress and not only can cause depression, anger, resentment and interpersonal anxiety especially when these symptoms have been brought about by unfair circumstances. And we are not getting where we want to go. Assertiveness is about pulling off the mask and having the power and the pleasure to be essentially you. Letting others know and especially yourself that you are a unique person with opinions, desires and expectations. That you count!
